


Fate, or something better

by demigodscum



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Has Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Polyamory, Swearing, with the Jedi High Council
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26540785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demigodscum/pseuds/demigodscum
Summary: Obi-Wan likes to tell him that the ones who love you never really leave you. Anakin isn't about to admit it, but maybe Obi-Wan has a point.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 14
Kudos: 88
Collections: Banned Together Bingo 2020





	Fate, or something better

**Author's Note:**

> I never, _ever_ thought I would write a fix-it, much less for canon I actually like, but here we are in 2020.
> 
> Major spoilers for seasons five through seven, all of which are critical to understanding what the hell goes on in this story. This serves as a fill for my Banned Together Bingo square "blasphemous language," somewhat liberally interpreted.
> 
> There's a _lot_ of stuff here that doesn't belong to me. Whatever looks like it _just might_ belong to Disney? Does belong to Disney.
> 
> And lastly, ninety-five percent of my titles are lyrics and I have no regrets. This one comes from Incubus' "Anna Molly."
> 
> Edit 11/18: to appease the BTB2020 team, I have changed the Archive Warnings from "No Archive Warnings Apply" to "Choose Not to Use Archive Warnings." I shall remind everyone that Ahsoka is generally accepted to be 17 at the time she leaves the Order, and she doesn't meet Anakin again until at least several months later. Furthermore, this story doesn't actually have anything more graphic than kissing, and current ages aren't ever specified. But there you have it.

He hates the way everything in the military base control room is the same combination of vivid red and what looks like the entire greyscale. It's too _coordinated_ , too _neat_ , and it irks him irrationally. 

It's cold, too, even through his many layers of robes, and the thought that Ahsoka probably wasn't given a blanket makes his anger bleed into his tone when he grits out, "I _said_. My Padawan is _in_ there. Now step aside."

But Fox — fucking _Fox_ , and he likes the troopers, really, but everything would be so much easier if all of them were Rex — just repeats the same bullshit he's been saying for the past however many minutes it's been.

"General Skywalker… Admiral Tarkin has ordered that _no one_ be allowed in there."

Maybe it's the way Fox's voice is starting to sound tired even through his helmet modulator, maybe it's the fact that he's cold as shit and so is his wrongfully imprisoned Padawan, maybe it's the feel of Ahsoka through their bond, too kriffing small for all the fear she's projecting —

Or maybe it's something else, but Anakin says, "I don't _care_ what she's accused of. Let. Me. _In_ —"

_Crrrrrk_ —

And then the transparisteel partition is fracturing, cracks growing out from where his fingertip just hit it —

His fucking _finger_ , and never mind that it's one in his mechno-arm, it's still just a _finger_ —

But his other hand is curled into a fist, his jaw clenched and knees bent slightly like he's about to jump someone —

And it's not the first time something like this happens. 

The two troopers from the door have moved to flank him, electrostaves buzzing just behind his ears, and Fox is saying, "Sorry, sir. The Admiral's orders stand. This is now a military operation and under his jurisdiction." 

Anakin glares at him through the broken transparisteel for a moment, letting every last bit of his anger make it onto his face, before he shoves past the other two guards and out the door. 

Rex is waiting for him by their speeder, helmet off and wearing an expression that Anakin would say is a mix of exasperation and amusement. 

"Heard you cracked transparisteel with a single finger, sir."

Anakin grunts and swings himself into the vehicle. "Tell Fox he better be glad I didn't crack the stupid visor on his stupid helmet."

A snort. "Think you'd just _accidentally_ end up cracking his head instead. How's the Commander?"

Alone, scared, fucking _cold_ —

Why is everything on this blasted planet always so _cold_ —

He shakes his head and sends what little reassurance he can through their bond, all the heat inside him that is really just pent-up anger —

And gets a bit of it back, laced with confusion and more fear but bright nonetheless. 

"We're going to fix this. And then she'll be okay."  


* * *

  
Everything has turned to absolute kriffing shit by the time Rex and he make it back to the base.

Fox's men are all over the place, hunting Ahsoka down while alarms blare and lights flash, and Anakin just wants to scream at them all until the whole thing shuts down.

But that's not going to help Ahsoka, so he drags Rex along the grey, cold, _shitty_ corridors, looking for her. 

They find Fox first, kneeling over the bodies of three troopers and speaking a warning into his comlink that makes Anakin want to snarl at him —

_Tear_ the comlink off his vambrace and _crush_ it under his boot —

There's no way. No _fucking_ way Ahsoka — _his_ Ahsoka — would _ever_ do this.

" _Belay_ that order, Commander Fox."

"She's killed troopers!"

Anakin sneers —

Rex makes a cutting gesture and protests, "I know Commander Tano. She would _never_ do something like this."

Fox puts the mouth of a blaster to Rex's breastplate like he's pointing his finger. "This _isn't_ the time for your —"

"It has _nothing_ to do with that."

His? His what? Nothing to do with _what_?

"Then who did it?"

Anakin doesn't have _time_ for this. "Quiet," he hisses, shoving past them —

He breathes. Opens himself up, pulls on the Force —

One floor above them, roughly a third of a klick to his right.

"Ahsoka! It's me, Anakin."

The footsteps slow down a little, not enough —

" _Stop_ running."

She does then, but he can feel her distress through their bond, hear it in her voice when she calls out, "You can't help me, Master. Someone's setting me up."

"I believe you, Ahsoka," and he sends reassurance through the bond, sends whatever semblance of calmness he feels in the moment —

"But no one else will."

And then she's running again, faster now, trying to block him out of their connection without losing focus, and Anakin starts after her, shouts back, "Keep searching until we find her. Rex, call security. Tell them we need to search the entire base. All weapons — and I do mean _all_ — set to stun. _Now!_ "

They chase her outside. Anakin and Rex follow her down along the industrial pipelines surrounding the Center, rain falling down on them hard, and all the while Anakin keeps trying to talk to her through their bond, trying to get her to _listen_ to him, just stop for a minute and _think_ about what she's doing —

But Ahsoka keeps running and blocking their stun blasts, blocking _him_ out like she's _never_ done before, not this thoroughly —

Two LAATs fly overhead —

"Do not shoot to kill. Do _not_ shoot to kill! Try to box her in. Don't let her escape. Tell me what you see, Oddball."

_Fuck_ , she's gotten so damn good, and it's the wrong fucking moment for this, but he can't _not_ admire from afar the way her slim body flips forward and backward, spirals on its axis, not a single error in her form —

She never hesitates and her lightsabers never stop moving, spinning bright green in the dark of night —

And then some _asshole_ who'll be hearing from him later blows up the walkway and Ahsoka goes down —

Not for long, but she's lost one lightsaber —

He'll have to go back for it later —

The troopers surround her in the middle of two pipes. Anakin runs to the top of the stairs, catches Ahsoka's eye and gets a second or two of sheer _panic_ —

She jumps high, and his shout of her name gets lost in the sound of the rain and the resumed blaster fire —

He follows her into the viaduct, just behind Rex at first, but it only takes a couple of turns before he knows it'll be just like inside the base. Anakin pauses —

Listens —

Darts down the other way, the way the rest of the group did _not_ go —

Chases and stops again, listens again —

Left turn, right turn, down jump, right turn —

Stripped blue and white —

"Ahsoka, what are you _doing_?"

She turns to look at him and he staggers at the wave of fear that hits him, ugly and jagged in their bond, cutting him all over from the inside —

He's never felt so much fear from anyone but _himself_ —

And her voice breaks when she says, "You didn't even _try_ to come and help me."

No, no, Ahsoka —

It's not _like_ that —

"They wouldn't let me in to talk to you!"

Another wave of emotion, all of it bitter accusation —

"You could have if you _tried_!"

But she's _wrong_ —

He _did_ try, but it just doesn't work that way, and they have to — for _once_ — be _smart_ about this.

"How would that look, Ahsoka, huh? Forcing my way in would've made you look even more guilty."

"I'm _not_ _guilty_!"

More fear, desperate and anguished, and Anakin just wants to fly them somewhere quiet.

The apartment, where he can hold her while Padmé runs one hand through his hair and the other down Ahsoka's lekku, and it would just be the three of them and nothing and no one in the galaxy would be able to touch them.

But this isn't that, so Anakin lets his own desperation bleed out when he pleads, "Then we have to prove you're innocent. The only way we can do that is by going back."

Ahsoka squeezes her eyes shut, faces away. "I don't know who to _trust_!"

_Wince_ —

Fuck, _fuck_ —

"Listen," he reaches towards her, takes just _one_ step forward. "I would never let anyone hurt you, Ahsoka. _Never_. But you need to come _back_ and make your case to the Council."

Her face twists in a sneer and she shakes her head, standing taller. " _No_. I'm _not_ going to take the fall for something I. Didn't. _Do_!"

Final stab at the air, whole body contorted defensively —

And it hits him all at once that Ahsoka isn't a youngling anymore, which is ridiculous because he's been _too_ aware of that for a while now, but. 

But it means she doesn't implicitly do as he asks —

She never _has_ , so it doesn't really surprise him that it doesn't work when he goes, "I am _ordering_ you to put down your lightsaber and come with me — _now_!" 

One, two, _five_ steps closer, close enough to lower his voice —

" _Trust_ me."

"General Skywalker, where are you?" Rex's — Fox's? — voice echoes through the pipes.

"I do trust you," and she looks so beautiful, haloed by the light of a passing transport —

"But you know as well as I do that no one else will believe me. Anakin, _you_ have to trust _me_ now," and she looks so damn sad that it squeezes his insides, grinds his lungs into his ribs —

There is too much fear for such a small body, such a small space. This much fear belongs out in the desert with the sand, nowhere near her —

"Ahsoka, I _do_ trust you —"

A hand thrown up —

"I know you do." 

But it's not enough, and she doesn't have to say it aloud — it's all _over_ her, in the way she glances at the abyss, in the way she _looks_ back at him, like it'll be the last time —

"Wish me luck."

She jumps and his heart wrenches so hard he almost vomits, so hard it throws him forward, but reaching for her only gets him a fistful of nothing —

_Ahsoka_ —

Something like a caress or a kiss through the bond, too brief for him to be to sure, and then she lands atop the transport ship and closes herself off from him again.

Rex, Fox, and he watch her descent in silence. When she's out of sight, Rex growls and punches the pipe wall hard enough that the edge of his plastoid handplate cracks, and Anakin approves entirely of the sentiment _and_ the display of the same, but he says nothing about it, just turns and starts to make his way out of there.  


* * *

  
If he didn't know, with absolute certainty, that the handful of Jedi Masters in the room would stop him the _second_ he started, he would have Force-chocked Takin through the holoprojection already. 

He wouldn't _kill_ him, obviously. But a little less oxygen might help him think more clearly.

As it is, he crosses his arms over his chest, fingers clutching at his biceps and triceps, and tries not to growl too loudly. By the looks Obi-Wan keeps shooting him, Anakin isn't doing all that well at keeping it together, but as long as he doesn't _do_ something, he doesn't give a single flying fuck what emotions are bleeding out into the Force around him.

Koon is the first to _try_ to defend Ahsoka, but _try_ really is the best word for it. Anakin can feel everything in the room if he focuses enough, and Koon is calmer, more _collected_ , than even Ti is, which is all sorts of fucked up —

He has a _bond_ with Ahsoka, too. Not as strong as the one she has with Anakin, but there nonetheless. Is he just ignoring whatever he's getting from it?

Maybe Ahsoka is blocking him as well. That _still_ doesn't explain the fact that Koon, who sits to the left of the Master of the kriffing Order, doesn't say anything else. 

It's not like _Anakin_ can. If he tries too hard, they'll just pull him out of the mission, bench him and make him meditate until he "centers himself" and "finds inner peace." He can't _afford_ to be taken off the mission —

So he downplays it.

"The Council believes that Ahsoka may be guilty of the crime. Still believe they are wrong, do you, hmm?"

"I believe she didn't kill the clone troopers _or_ the woman who used the nanodroids to blow up the Temple. That's why she's _running_. To _prove_ her _innocence_."

He doesn't say that he _knows_ she's innocent of even the charges that haven't come up yet but probably will, way things are going, doesn't even say he _knows_ she didn't feed Turmond the nanodroids. But what he says is enough, and he knows because he's played the Council in his favor one too many times before.

Yoda orders Koon and him to go find Ahsoka, which is just fine with Anakin, though he would have preferred if Obi-Wan had been able to make it back in time to be here for this. 

Then Windu says to Yoda, "I… think it would be best if Skywalker stayed here."

And to Anakin, "Having you involved may actually make things… _worse_." 

And it takes every last bit of calm he _doesn't have_ not blow the fuck up like a bad ignition chamber.

"Master Windu, with _all_ due respect," and given the tone of his voice, it wouldn't be hard to figure out he doesn't give a shit about respect right now, "she is _my_ Padawan."

"The _reason_ for you _not_ to go."

Anakin can _always_ count on Windu to be sand in his fucking eyes —

"I think we're being foolish if we take Anakin off this mission. Who knows her better?"

Then again, he can _usually_ count on Obi-Wan to be the piece of semi-clean cloth he needs to cover himself with _while_ he gets the sand out of his eyes.

Windu protests _again_ , but Anakin gives him some bullshit about capturing Ahsoka and finding out the truth that's really only _half_ -bullshit, which is the only reason any of them buy it.

Except Obi-Wan. Probably. But he just glances at Anakin and stays quiet.

Once he finally has Yoda's blessing, Koon and he start making their way towards the hangars. Anakin wants to punch something, preferably something resembling Windu or maybe even Yoda, because —

Because it's _always the same_. No matter what he does, what he achieves, the progress he makes, they _never_ trust him, always question him, his judgment, his actions —

Now they're questioning _his_ Padawan —

But they're the ones accusing one of their own, without even giving Ahsoka a chance to explain herself. What good is a council that doesn't treat the people it serves fairly? What good is a council — a _Jedi Order_ — that bows down to politicians like fucking _Tarkin_?

No fucking good. 

And to think he actually _liked_ Tarkin once upon a time.

"Is something the matter, Skywalker?"

_Everything is the matter, starting with the fact that you don't seem to give a shit about your dear little 'soka being hunted down like she's suddenly Aurra Sing_ —

"No, Master Koon."

"Is that so."

"Yes, Master Koon."

"Then I suppose this ire I sense in the Force is my own."

Anything he could say to that would be either too insulting of Koon's perception or too honest about Anakin's own feelings, so he chooses to say nothing instead.

He has to find a way to alert security on the lower levels without Koon noticing, otherwise _Yoda_ will find out Anakin lied, and _that_ won't be any good.

Fuck, but he had hoped to _keep_ local security far away from Ahsoka. He doesn't know any of them, can't trust them not to harm her if they see her —

But he'll find her first. He _has_ to.

Rex, Wolffe, and a handful of men from the 104th and 501st both are waiting in the hangar when they get there. They all coordinate, decide on where to start, and then divvy up again by battalion.

Koon calls his name just as Anakin is boarding his patrol transport.

"Yes, Master?"

"I'll notify local security of the situation."

Anakin schools his features. "Master Koon —"

"Anakin. Whatever you may think, boy, I want to find her just as much as you do, and I would rather it be us or security, as opposed to the Guard."

And that —

Fuck. This whole mess is fucking with his brain, because that makes _too_ much sense —

The lower levels are as close to infinite as anything with limits gets. They _need_ all the advantage they can get, and Ahsoka _can_ hold her own against the _police_ —

And maybe he owes Koon an apology.

Anakin nods instead, gets a nod in return, and they board. The layout of the Ie feels all wrong. Similar enough to the i model to be familiar, but different enough to be disorienting. 

Rex moves to stand next to him as they take off. "I talked to Fox."

"And?"

"They're looking for her as well. Tarkin is respecting the fact that she's a Jedi though. For now, at least. They catch her, they hand her over."

"Good."

Security alerts them of a sighting near level 1312 and they're off immediately, down one portal, then another, shining lights where there are only shadows. It takes _hours_ of flying around, until —

Stripped something and white, black that could be dark red —

Then she's there, starkly illuminated by the ships, and Anakin doesn't have to tell his body to jump before it's doing it —

Hard land, but he doesn't even pause to shake it off, just takes off running —

And there's a _fucking_ ray shield in front of him, Ahsoka shaking her head at him from the other side, looking like —

Like she's _disappointed_ —

_Ahsoka, no_ —

And then he notices who's with her, and he barely gets out a hissed "Ventress" before they disappear around the corner.

Back on the transport, Rex asks, "Was that who I think it was?"

Anakin can only swallow and nod, and Rex responds with a low, " _Fuck_ " that resonates through the ship.

"Anything from the probes?"

"Not yet, sir."

Waiting is torture. He can't pace, so he keeps clenching and unclenching his hands, fist no fist, trying to do something with all the energy sitting in between his ribs, thrumming in the joints of his fingers, all the energy that _needs_ an out before it sands him down to nothing —

Suspicious activity on level 1315, and that _has_ to be her —

He tells Hawk to fly faster, but Anakin knows well that there isn't enough space in this shithole for that —

But they _have_ to get there first —

"Are all weapons set to stun?"

"Yessir."

" _Nobody_ touches her. Understood?"

" _Yessir_."

Anakin can't look at any of them, but he knows they're all fighting the urge to shuffle, fighting the anxiousness they feel at his tone —

Then they land and it doesn't matter. He runs at full speed even though there are other ships stationed already, even though he knows he's too late —

Wolffe is standing with a gun pointed at the slumped figure of Ahsoka, and Anakin rips it out of his hands and throws it aside as he passes him —

Falling to his knees doesn't hurt, but skimming a hand down Ahsoka's face does.

Breathing hurts, too —

" _Explosives._ "

_No_ —

_Fuck_ that —

"She didn't do it."

"These are —"

"Whatever you're going to say, Wolffe, _she didn't do it_ , so you better shut your fucking mouth now."

Everybody goes tense behind his back, and Anakin doesn't give a single flying fuck what any of them is thinking right then.

Koon comes to kneel beside him, but he puts a hand on Anakin's shoulder instead of reaching for Ahsoka.

"We should move her to a safer place."

He nods and slips an arm under her shoulders, the other under her knees, and stands up slowly. Her head lolls back too much, but Rex comes forward before Anakin can shift to hold her better, hands up like he's surrendering —

Or pacifying Anakin, because he cradles Ahsoka's head and oh so gently moves it so it rests on Anakin's shoulder —

And Anakin can admit that he would've flipped his shit if it had been anyone else touching her, or even just Rex being a tad little bit less careful.

He doesn't put her down while they fly, and he doesn't say a word while Yoda and Koon talk, and when they arrive at the Temple, it takes Obi-Wan unclenching his fingers one by one before Anakin can hand her off to the Temple Guards.  


* * *

  
Back —

And forth —

Back —

And forth —

Back —

And —

"You're _not_ helping."

_Stop_ —

"Argh. I'm sorry, Snips."

And collapse on the bench beside Ahsoka. 

"I — I just… I just don't know what to _do_."

She raises a shoulder and gives him a weak smile. "It's okay. I don't, either."

Anakin looks at her, really _stares_ at her, taking in the tired bags under her eyes, the color of them, dull grey and very little blue, and just as he's about to say something else —

Something that _matters_ —

A chime. 

Ahsoka takes a deep breath and makes her way onto the platform, Anakin following behind along with two Guards, and then they're spiraling _up_ —

And then they're surrounded by the Council high above, and it's just _so_ fucking fitting that this room is called the Chamber of Judgment.

_How_ can they just —

Just _stand_ there, above everyone else, above _their own_ , and spew judgment blindly, deafly —

Anakin can feel it in the Force, can hear it in the tone of their voices even as he filters out the individual words. They're _not_ listening, not willing to be _wrong_ —

Because they're just _that_ fucking hypocritical —

And they think _he's_ the arrogant one.

Yoda starts off on a tangent about the Dark Side clouding everything, and all Anakin can hear is _excuse, excuse, excuse_ —

"You've already made your decision, _haven't you_? This meeting is just a formality!"

He doesn't realize he's spoken — _yelled_ — until he catches Ahsoka's flinch, and then he has to work not to say everything else he _wants_ to say, wants to scream —

"Reached a decision, we have, though not in total agreement, are we."

Obi-Wan is staring at him like he's waiting for something, and there's a hand in the Force, holding him loosely in its grip —

"It is the Council's opinion that Padawan Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic —"

His lungs collapse and Ahsoka's shoulders slump forward —

"And thus, she _will_ be expelled from the Jedi Order."

And the hand becomes two arms that tighten _hard_ around his whole Presence when he shouts, "You can't _do this_!"

The Guards are flanking him now, _blocking_ him with their pikes, but he watches the platform as it's lowered —

"Your Padawan status will be stripped from you, and you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic."

Ahsoka's back is to him, so he can't read her expression, and he can't sense what she's feeling because there's a sandstorm howling inside him, loud and coarse —

They're mixed together in it, so many feelings he can't separate one from the other —

"You will be turned over to the Republic courts to await your trial and whatever punishment they will set for you."

And then a Guard moves towards Ahsoka and Anakin _snarls_ —

"Don't _touch_ her."

And with a yank the Guard takes Ahsoka's braid —

"Henceforth, you are barred from the Jedi Order."

Ahsoka flinches and Anakin _growls_ —

"Obi-Wan, let me _go_!"

Because no one is touching him but the arms are still tight around him and he can't _reach_ —

The storm builds and builds and tells him to _break, take, scratch_ —

The Guards are taking Ahsoka away but he can't _move_ —

He can't do anything except pant and watch, and he can't feel anything except sand, in his eyes and ears and up his nose and down his mouth —

And now there's an actual flesh hand in front of him, and it touches his forehead and tells him to sleep —

But the door slides closed behind Ahsoka and he can't —

He _can't_ —

"Anakin, _sleep_."

_Ahsoka_ —

"You will only make it worse if you try to go after her."

But he can't _leave_ her —

He can't let her get taken, can't let her —

He has to _free_ her —

"All will be right."

Will it will it will it —

She _has_ to be free —

" _Sleep_."

And the sand takes him under.  


* * *

  
When he wakes up, he's back in his quarters.

And when he sits up, a silka braid falls onto his lap.  


* * *

  
Padmé takes one look at him and sighs, and it takes every last fucking atom he has not to just fall to his knees right there on the landing platform and cry.

She grabs his hand and pulls him behind her, walks them to the bedroom, where she starts undressing him in the darkness. The motions are all familiar from years of acting them out, but Anakin feels like he's caught in the middle of the storm now, sand flying and swirling everywhere, all around him, clouding his senses and keeping him trapped, separated from the rest of the world —

And he needs sleep right the fuck _yesterday_ , but once he's laying on his back on the soft, wide bed, he can't bare the thought of closing his eyes again.

A hand on his chest, then the rest of Padmé comes to curl into his side.

"What can I do?"

_Make it go away, please_ —

"She'll need representation tomorrow for the trial."

"She'll have it."

He slips an arm underneath her to wrap around her shoulders, press her closer still until she tangles their legs together.

"Ani, my love. What do _you_ need?"

He needs to find whoever did this, whoever is responsible for setting his Padawan up. He needs sleep. He needs to give Ahsoka a blanket, because she's in a cell at the Center again and it's so fucking cold there —

"I need — I need her to be _free_."

Padmé kisses his chest once, twice, thrice, rubs her nose against him, her cheek —

"She will be, I promise. What else?"

For this fucking war to be over. To spend an hour alone with Tarkin. To yell at Windu without caring what Obi-Wan might say.

"You. I just need you."  


* * *

  
The newly-replaced transparisteel barrier in the control room is about three picoseconds away from needing to be replaced. 

_Again_. 

"I swear to fuck, Fox, I will _rip_ that blasted helmet _off_ you head — no, _don't_ do it yourself, that's not going to help you, you fucking asshole —"

Fox sighs and gestures at the other trooper in the room with him. "Open the door."

"Si—sir?"

"Open the door, trooper."

Then Fox is standing in front of him, no barrier of any kind between them, squaring his shoulders and tilting his chin back like he's about to do something incredibly stupid —

Which he is, if he's really getting close enough that their chests almost brush, and Anakin is _seriously_ considering planting one on him —

He supposes that's obvious enough because Fox says, "You wanna hit me? Here I am." 

"Anakin, _don't_ —"

"But listen to me first, General. _You?_ I don't know you very well. But I love my brother Rex. I _trust_ my brother Rex. And he thinks your Padawan is innocent." Padmé grips his fisted hand while he glares at Fox, but Anakin breathes and tries to keep his cool, let Fox finish whatever he has to say. 

"I don't personally have an opinion either way, just that _someone_ is responsible for the six men I lost the other night, and I would really like to know who that someone is.

"Other than that? I don't have a problem with you _or_ Commander Tano. In fact, since I love my brother so much — my brother who is currently miserable as fuck because his _Commander_ is miserable as fuck — I _want_ said Commander to get that blanket you're holding.

"But you know as well as I do that it'll just make shit worse. I'll get decommissioned because Admiral Tarkin is just that nice, and Commander Tano will get that blanket taken out of her hands before she can even _think_ about getting warm.

"So. I'm not going to stop you if you want to take the blanket in, but _think_ about it before you do. _Sir_."

And maybe — just _maybe_ — it's a little petulant of him to growl and shove the blasted blanket at Fox, but he does it anyway, stomps off to the ray-shielded gate and waits for control to deactivate it long enough that Padmé and he can pass.

When they make it to Ahsoka's cell, she's laying down on the narrow bench-that-fails-to-pass-for-cot, though she sits up as soon as she notices them outside the door.

She's shivering, too, which only makes his irritation burn hotter. Anakin starts to unbuckle his belt so he can take off his outer robe —

But Padmé places a hand on one of his and murmurs, "Ani. Don't. This wouldn't be good, either."

Just _wait_ until he sees Tarkin again or has a chance to speak with the Chancellor —

But getting worked up isn't going to help right now, so he sighs and lets it be. "Padmé has agreed to represent you before the Senate."

"I will do everything I can to prove your innocence, Ahsoka."

Ahsoka nods, but her jaw is clenched and her voice tight when she speaks. "I am almost certain that the person behind this is Ventress, and you _know_ I wasn't working with her. She was at the warehouse, in the room. We fought — but she got away. Didn't any of the troopers see anything?"

Anakin paces, strokes Ahsoka's Presence and tries to calm the utter _despair_ he's getting from her, and silently, he tells her not to give up even as he says aloud, "No, none of the troopers reported seeing Ventress at the scene. I thought you said Ventress left before you went into the warehouse."

"That's what I thought, too, but then she attacked me when I got inside. I'd know her red lightsabers anywhere."

Bitterness, so much of it, but it's laced with insecurity, doubt —

"Well, if that's our only lead, then I know what I have to do."

Scouring the lower levels for Ventress will be a nightmare. It's unlikely she'll be where they last spotted her with Ahsoka, but that's where he'll have to start, for lack of any other clues. 

At the very least he'll be able to use the Force to sense her.

"Wait, where are you going? You can't leave now," Padmé protests.

"Yes, I can. I have to _find_ Ventress and _get_ to the bottom of this."  


* * *

  
He lands on the street without a sound —

"Anakin Skywalker."

"I know you're behind all of this."

" _Prove it_."

She jumps and he follows —

Gets kicked into the wall but he catches her fist —

Fighting Ventress is exactly what he needs right now, the Force pumping fast and heady through his veins —

"Leave me alone!"

And she's good but he's better, angrier, more determined —

She hasn't even taken out her lightsabers, for whatever fucking reason, but she _should_ have, because now he _has_ her —

" _Tell me what happened!_ "

Has her right where he wants her, and it feels so fucking good to use the energy inside him, use all the loud, coarse things that have been howling in his head for _days_ —

"When I — heard your little brat was on the run — I thought — she might bring a large _bounty_!"

He slams her into the railing —

"Bounty?"

Hovers his lightsaber right above the hand clutching her slim neck —

"I was going to catch your pet and turn her over to the authorities, collect whatever bounty was due."

But her lets her go when her Presence starts to become fuzzy. 

"What stopped you?"

She moves away a little, coughing and gasping some more, holding herself up with a hand on the railing behind her.

"At first, I admit, I was just interested in the money — and a little bit of revenge." 

Not fucking surprising —

"But then I realized your fallen Padawan and I had a _lot_ in common."

And the red flares up again, bright and livid in his chest, his head, telling him to _move, attack, attack_ —

"How _dare_ you compare yourself to Ahsoka."

Ventress spins around to face him and shouts, "It's _true_!" It doesn't calm him any, doesn't make his fingers loosen their _tight_ hold on the hilt of his lightsaber, but Ventress' voice lowers when she continues, "My Master _abandoned_ me — and that's _exactly_ what you did to _her_."

_Flare_ , but this time it's shot through with something else, something that makes his heart seize and his gut twist —

Ventress looks up at him, and her voice is bitter as freighter fuel when she says, "You and your _precious_ Jedi Order."

But no, he couldn't —

He _hasn't_ —

"It's not _like_ that."

" _Isn't it_?"

It _can't_ be. He's _fixing_ this, no matter what it takes, and —

"I would _never_ abandon Ahsoka."

Ventress glares at him, nearly _snarling_ , but then she sighs and slumps as if she'd run out of battery.

"I know."

Anakin doesn't have the first clue how it is that she arrived at that conclusion given her apparently terrible impression of him. He can only blink at her —

She rolls her eyes. "You're _obnoxiously_ loud, Skywalker. Everything you _feel_ gets projected through the Force like you _are_ a holoprojector — and I've been around you both plenty of times before."

Well, that's… 

Nothing he didn't already know, quite frankly, but it's usually one of the Jedi Masters pointing it out to him. It hadn't ever occurred to him that it would be the same for the _evil_ Force-sensitives —

_Fuck_ , does _Dooku_ know?

And what _does_ Ventress even _think_ she knows? He can't be _that_ obvious, otherwise someone else — at least _Obi-Wan_ — would have said something.

Right?

"Just tell me about what you and Ahsoka did."

Ventress lets out what sounds suspiciously like a chuckle. " _Be_ like that.

"After I left the warehouse — after I left your little Padawan alone — I was walking away. And I thought she came up behind me to talk more.

"But I was wrong.

"Someone came out of nowhere and _hit_ me from behind. Not just anyone can sneak up behind me. It _had_ to be another Jedi."

"I don't believe you," Anakin says with a shake of his head.

"Believe it. Whoever you're looking for has my lightsabers — _that's_ how you'll know you found the criminal."

He sighs and turns to look down at the street below. "Well, this leads me to a dead end. You're the only one Ahsoka talked to."

A ripple in the Force around him —

"That's not true…"

He glares at Ventress over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"Your Padawan contacted the Temple. She spoke to someone named… _Barriss_. _That's_ why we knew to go to the warehouse in the first place. It was this _Barriss_ that told us to go there."

_Barris?_

She's been Ahsoka's friend for _years_. Hell, he still remembers the way she knelt down at Ahsoka's feet when they first met on Geonosis, remembers the spark of awe and _want_ in the Force that he understood all too well —

But _friends_ betray each other all the time.

"If you're _lying_ … you're _dead_."

Ventress clicks her tongue at him, and just as he's starting to jump down from the walkway, he hears her say, "Such promises."  


* * *

  
He finds Barriss in her room at the Temple, and it's _much_ too easy — the work of mere _minutes_ — to get the confirmation he needs.

Then it takes him a few more minutes to bring her down, but it's nothing that he can't handle without so much as breaking a sweat, and in the end, all he feels is a vicious urge to make her kneel before Ahsoka again and beg for forgiveness.

Escorting Barriss before the Senate jury feels like the only win that's ever mattered. The satisfaction outweighs the pure red ire he feels when he pushes her to confess, outweighs the deep disappointment and frustration he gets when he glances at the Council, sitting high and mighty above their accused.

None of that matters though, not once the guards take Barriss away —

Not once he turns to smile at Ahsoka and finds her staring at him already —

And not once he senses the pulse of warmth through their bond, gratitude and affection and relief amongst the bleakness of betrayal. 

Anakin wants to jump across the space between their platforms, get close enough to feel the heat of her body and smell her usual leather-spaceship-minerals scent as he presses his nose into the valley of her montrals —

But Ahsoka looks down and away, and there's the whole Council and at least half of the Senate watching them, so he stays where he is.  


* * *

  
"Ahsoka… I am _so_ sorry. About everything."

The words aren't enough, he knows that. He can see it in her eyes, can feel it in the Force. But now that she's coming back home, they can fix this whole mess. Go back to being their reckless selves, leading the 501st into battle and saving the galaxy.

And maybe —

"You have our most humble apologies, little 'soka. The Council was wrong to accuse you," Koon says.

And then Tiin, "You have shown such great strength and resilience in your struggle to _prove_ your innocence."

And Mundi, "This is the true sign of a Jedi Knight."

And when Windu says, "This was actually your great Trial — now we see that," Anakin feels pride explode in his chest, fierce and hot, because Ahsoka — _his_ Ahsoka, his _Padawan_ — is being Knighted.

He sends his pride and happiness through their bond, pushes it on Ahsoka until she looks backs at him —

But she's not smiling, not even when Windu continues, "We understand that the Force works in mysterious ways, and because of this Trial, you have become a greater Jedi than you would have otherwise."

It's about as high a compliment as Windu is likely to give anyone _ever_. A hand lands on his shoulder, and Anakin turns a little to grin at Obi-Wan, who smiles back at him in that serene way of his.

Yoda takes a step forward, wooden stick clicking on the floor, and proclaims, "Back into the Order, you may come."

And Ahsoka just… stares down at Yoda with her arms crossed over her chest, not moving, not saying anything —

_Why_ isn't she saying anything? Why isn't she happy? Why is she so... so _muted_ in the Force, so quiet and _unlike her_ —

"They're asking you _back_ , Ahsoka." He steps closer, waits until she's looking at him with those huge grey-blue eyes —

And then he pulls her silka braid out of a pocket in his belt.

" _I'm_ asking you back," and his voice comes out softer than he meant it to, but Ahsoka is so damn fucking _quiet_ , looking at his outstretched hand like she's seen it in her _nightmares_ —

Like it's going to _take_ something from her —

He tugs at the bond, tugs her Presence closer and wraps it in warmth, smothers her in his happiness and his hope and the other soft things that live inside him right now, sends it all and smiles at her —

And Ahsoka hugs him through the Force, shares back everything he's giving her —

But then she shakes her head and closes his own fingers over the beads, says, "I'm sorry, Master. But I'm not coming back."

And it —

The words sound like they mean something _bad_ , and her voice is —

Is the most somber Anakin has ever head it, like she's saying _goodbye_ —

He doesn't understand what's going on. He's still being hugged and there is so much _warmth_ , like the pre-dawn air of Tatooine, and there's a plea ringing in between his lungs —

Ahsoka disappears through the door and the braid is still in his hand and nothing makes any fucking _sense_ —

She was supposed to come _back_ —

Come _home_ —

"Anakin, breathe. Calm yourself. Sit with me."

Ahsoka was never supposed to leave, Ahsoka was supposed to stay beside him —

"Skywalker, you need to listen to Master Kenobi."

They have to go back, Rex is waiting for them, the _men_ are allwaiting —

_He's_ been waiting —

"Let go, you must."

_Never_ —

He can't run fast enough, but calling on the Force for that sends him into a wall —

" _Fuck!_ "

He runs on his own energy and hopes, pleads, _yanks_ at the bond and tries to stop her, but Ahsoka just closes herself off and it feels like being kicked in the fucking sac —

Like he can't _breathe_ —

But he makes it, she's there, walking down an aisle of pylons towards the staircase leading down to the Precinct —

No, no, she can't, she _can't_ —

"Ahsoka, wait!"

She keeps walking, makes it to the third row —

"Ahsoka! I need to talk to you!"

Tug, yank, _pull_ —

_Please_ —

She stops, finally fucking _stops_ , thank _fuck_ , and he can gulp deep, painful breaths that stab at his chest from the inside, but they're better than not breathing at all.

" _Why_. Are you _doing_ this?"

Ahsoka shakes her head, stares at him like she's searching for something, so he opens himself up —

_More,_ more than before, more than ever, lets her see everything, _have_ everything —

_Wince_ , and when she says, "The Council didn't trust me. So how can I trust myself?" it doesn't sound like what she really wanted to say.

Maybe because it's a _stupid_ reason to leave. 

" _Fuck_ the Council, Ahsoka. How many times have we ignored what they told us? How many times have they been wrong? And what about _me_? _I_ believed in you! I _stood by you_!"

And he doesn't say that he would do it again, would do it however many times it took, always and forever, but he shows her through the bond, screams it again and again like the worst meditation mantra —

The only _useful_ meditation mantra —

"Stop. _Stop_. I _know_ you believe in me, Anakin. And I'm grateful for that," but he feels no pleasure when she says it in _that_ tone, when she calls him by his _name_ —

It _is_ just the two of them here in this moment, but his name feels too much like she's already decided, like she's already moved on from being his Padawan.

"But this _isn't about you_. I can't _stay_ here any longer. Not now."

She looks away and everything inside him _twists_ , and everything inside him is so _quiet_ even though he hasn't stopped projecting at her. It's quiet and _empty_ like the middle of the fucking _desert_ , filled with _stuff_ but none of it _useful_ , because she's _still_ blocking him out, and Anakin doesn't have the faintest clue how to _fix_ this when she won't let him get close. 

But maybe he doesn't need to? Obi-Wan wouldn't. Obi-Wan would be calm and reasonable even when none of the mess itself is. Obi-Wan…

Would say something like, "The Jedi Order is your _life_. You can't just — _throw_ it away like this! Ahsoka, you are _making_ a _mistake_."

He means the last part, though not because of anything to do with the karking Order, but Ahsoka just says, "Maybe. But I have to sort this out on my own. Without the Council…"

She turns her back on him and his heart spasms like he's touched the wrong wire —

"And without you."

Maybe he did, maybe his arm is short-circuiting, because he's pretty sure he's shaking and everything fucking _hurts_ —

So damn _much_ —

Everything burns hot and cold, up and down, every rasp of breath scrapes his insides the way sand abrades everything in its wake —

"I understand," he whispers, because it's _true_. "More than you realize, I _understand_ wanting to walk away from the Order."

Padmé's smile flashes behind his eyes, gentle and loving like always, but it's not _his_ memory. He's in the image, too, smiling back at her in the middle of a hallway in the Senate Building.

"I know," Ahsoka says, and there's a flicker of _something_ , something that reminds him of being younger and getting left behind when Obi-Wan went on solo missions, before she closes herself off again.

"Please," and he has to swallow because his voice breaks. "Ahsoka, _please_. For me."

A whimper, stifled on the back of her hand —

" _Please_."

"I'm sorry."

And she walks away —

Down the stairs, leaves him behind and doesn't look back —

His mom is whispering his name one last time, calling him handsome and telling him she loves him —

Ahsoka is calling him Master for the first time, calling him Skyguy, telling him —

Telling him _nothing_ , because she's _gone_ —

There is so much he didn't say, so many things he's kept buried in the places of his mind that he avoids, and now she's not here and he can't say any of them.

He wants to tell her he's proud of her, wants to say it aloud without her being mind-controlled.

Wants to teach her how to fly, _really_ fly, out on the fields of her home planet sometime when they don't have to worry about getting shot out of the sky.

Wants to hold her, touch her and —

And he can't _do_ any of it now, can't say anything —

And the ground is shaking underneath his feet, or maybe it's him —

Maybe this is all a dream, just another nightmare, _please_ let it be a nightmare, please, please —

He can't _do_ this, not again —

He should have made her promise not to leave him long ago, and then maybe he would've been able to keep her now —

But she could have _chosen_ to stay and she _didn't_ —

He hasn't been this empty since he was a boy still on Tatooine, surrounded by sand, the scraps of metal he could find, _more_ sand —

And maybe he never should have left.

His mom would still be alive —

Qui-Gon would still be alive —

Ahsoka never would have left —

Never left _him_ —

And he never would have met her either, never would have married Padmé, but he would have saved himself all this pain.  


* * *

  
He goes back to the same spot later that night when he can't sleep and finds a crack on the stone ground where they had stood.

He goes back the night after and it's gone.

Just like her.  


* * *

  
Windu frowns at him.

Yoda hums.

Koon nods as if he understands.

(He doesn't. Not really. Anakin can feel it in the Force.)

Obi-Wan frets silently, watching him carefully and projecting more worry than Anakin has ever felt from him.

Padmé caresses his hair and kisses his cheeks, his scar, the fingers of his mechno-hand.

But Anakin just ignores them all, ignores the offer of a week's worth of leave, gets into his ship, and flies off.  


* * *

  
When they're back aboard the Destroyer after the battle, he starts heading towards his quarters immediately, only to be stopped by an angry-looking Kix.

"Oh, no, I don't think so, General. You're coming with me."

Anakin frowns at him. "Coming where?"

"To _medical_. I can see the blood even on the black fabric of your fancy Jedi robes — hell, there's blood on your _forehead_."

He rolls his eyes. "It's just a few scratches. I don't need medical care."

"Yes, you —"

"That's an _order_ , Kix."

"Then you'll just have to file the datawork to have me court-martialed for mutiny after I take care of those wounds, because _I'm taking care of those wounds_." 

Anakin can't be bothered to be surprised by Kix's forwardness, so instead they glare at each other in silence until Kix says, in the same don't-bullshit-me-now tone, "Rex, help me drag him."

And then there's an arm wound around each of his, and they're both seriously dragging him away from the main hangar.

"You're willing to make Rex complicit in your mutiny?"

Kix huffs. " _Rex_ is willing to make Rex complicit in his mutiny."

"Technically, that order wasn't for me."

Anakin sighs and convinces them to let him walk on his own, but they still hold their hands out like he's going to fall over any minute and they'll have to catch him, which is so over-the-top unnecessary he wants to use his lightsaber to force them to step back. He's injured, yes, but it's not _that_ bad, really, just a couple of cuts that barely hurt even with the friction from his clothes.

Except when Kix makes him undress, there's a burn on his lower ribs that is most definitely a blaster graze, and there's a long gash on his right calf that is definitely _not_ from a blaster, and neither is the cut peeking out of his hairline —

_Thankfully_ , otherwise he'd probably just be dead —

Now that he's on his back, he's pretty sure there's a whole lot of brusing around his left shoulder plate —

And Kix and Rex both are glaring at him like they want to punch the shit out of him.

He shrugs and lets Kix get to work cleaning enough of the mess of blood up that he can do the rest of whatever it is he needs to do with the wounds. The room is suspiciously empty, especially for this being post-battle, but Anakin knows whoever needs medical care is getting it _somewhere_ , so he doesn't pay it much mind.

"Do you know how long you've like this?"

Anakin shakes his head at Rex.

"How did you even finish the battle?"

He shrugs again. "Must be the Force."

Kix looks up from Anakin's leg to glare at him, and then he presses a finger to the still-open cut on his forehead —

_Digs_ in with his medical-gloved nail —

"Kix, the fuck are you doing?"

" _I_ am proving a point."

Rex asks, "What point?"

"The point that the General can't feel shit."

"I felt that just fine."

"But did it _hurt_?"

And Anakin can only blink at him — blink at them _both_ — and then tilt his head back to stare at the ceiling because no, it didn't hurt. None of it does. It's just _there_ , like the Force is there, giving him energy he _knows_ he doesn't have because he hasn't slept for shit ever since —

But it doesn't matter. He's here, he's alive, and sure, he's bleeding, but it _doesn't hurt_ , and don't all soldiers wish for just that.

Kix goes back to work and neither of them say anything else for a while. Anakin busies himself with counting the tap-tap-tap of Rex's finger on his vambrace, but he gets tired of it after one-hundred-and-seventeen, so he starts thinking about the modifications he's been wanting to make to his new fighter. It's a nicer model than the one he crashed with —

Than the one he crashed, but the steering handles on this one have some stupid magnetism thing going on that's messing with his mechno-arm, and the paint is all wrong, and R2 says something about his nook makes him take nine microseconds longer to get out —

"Done."

He sits up and examines the two bacta bandages he can see before swinging his legs over the side of the cot.

"Thanks, Kix."

"Stay here. I'll bring some pants from the other room."

"I don't —"

"Just _wait_."

Then Kix is gone and there's a dip in the thin mattress next to him. Anakin can feel Rex staring at him, but he stubbornly keeps his eyes on the door.

"I miss her too."

Anakin _doesn't_ wince or waver when he jokes, "Her? Didn't know you had a girl."

"You know —"

"I don't want to talk about it, Captain," and he uses Rex's title in case his voice isn't final enough. 

He wants to get up — he _should_ get up. He's gotten his injuries taken care of, and now he's free to storm off to his quarters and —

And not sleep, but maybe take a shower, an actual _water_ shower just because he fucking can —

"You look exhausted."

"We're in the middle of a kriffing war. Show me someone who _isn't_ exhausted and I'll suck whatever's between their legs."

"General."

Anakin doesn't respond. If he closes his eyes hard enough, he can pretend he's somewhere else, _anywhere_ else. Hell, he'll take the fucking _desert_ over this conversation, though what he really wants is to be back on Coruscant with Padmé, laying down on their soft, warm bed, where it's just the two of them and no one else —

No, he wants to be here, because here is fine, there's nothing wrong with here, nothing wrong with how he feels, nothing wrong with the way Rex is still staring at him —

Here is a war that needs him, men who need him —

"She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

"Well, she isn't _here_ , so she doesn't _get_ a say." 

Or maybe he'll just sit here and snarl at Rex like it's _his_ fault, like Rex is the one who _left_ —

Left _him_ —

Force fucking dammit, he wasn't going to _do_ this —

He doesn't _have_ the energy to do this, doesn't have anything _like_ the strength to stop if he starts. He feels like a sand dune about to blow away with the next storm —

"Anakin."

And there's an arm around his shoulders, tugging him closer, once, twice when he tries to resist —

And then his face is mashed up against Rex's shoulder, and he doesn't give a shit that the plastoid of Rex's armor is digging into his skin, because his cheeks are wet, there are actual _tears_ that he can actually _feel_ running down his face and to his neck, and they hurt so much more than all of the cuts and burns and bruises scattered over his body —

Now he's thinking about it, about Ahsoka and the fact that she's not here because she left (him) and the fact that he hasn't felt (her) much of anything _since_ she's been gone —

Now he's _feeling_ it all, all the hurt and anger and other violent things that rattle between his lungs, everything _except_ her —

Rex moves to lay his head atop Anakin's, heavy and warm, and after a few ragged breaths, Anakin can feel wetness seeping into his hair.

"Yeah, me too, sir."  


* * *

  
Sometimes, he gets flashes of feelings, brief and distant, but always enough for him to _know_ they're not his.

When Fives almost dies, he gets worry.

On a night when he can't sleep, he gets a twisted shard of sadness.

In the middle of sex with Padmé one time, there's a longing that doesn't match the intense love and desire of the moment, and it makes him gather Padmé closer to him, makes him kiss her harder.

During lunch with the men two weeks after that, Anakin feels inexplicably happy for a bright minute before he goes back to his usual half-angry-half-blank state.

Anakin can never decide whether he would rather feel nothing at all or keep these fleeting grains of something.  


* * *

  
"Master Yoda feels that your judgments concerning Rush Clovis are… clouded."

Well, fuck.

Anakin sighs and stops tightening the bolt he's on. "Mm. I believe he can't be trusted."

"Yes, but there is more, isn't there?" Obi-Wan's tone makes it clear he doesn't need confirmation. "I sense a deep anger in you by my simply saying his _name_."

Because Clovis is a fucking _bastard_ —

Sometimes, all Anakin really wants is to be a normal Jedi, just another Knight. But the Force wanted him to be a damn vergence, so here he is, and really, how the fuck does everyone expect him to bury all his shit down when he was created to be louder than every other living thing around him?

"He almost got Senator Amidala killed, and _I_ would have been _responsible_." Obi-Wan shoots him a look that tells him he needs to breathe and lower his voice. Anakin rolls his eyes and pushes away from the work table.

"The Senator has risked her life many times. She's quite capable of taking care of herself."

"They _had_ a _relationship!_ " He sighs and drops down onto one of the crates by the wall. "Once. I simply feel she is vulnerable to her emotions."

" _She_ is… or _you_ are?"

Anakin's eyes snap up from the model ship to study Obi-Wan, who looks back at him unflinchingly —

His Master knows him too well to be anything _like_ intimidated by Anakin's glare.

Not that Obi-Wan is easily intimidated at all.

"What are you… implying?"

Obi-Wan sighs and sits on the bed, facing the door instead of him. "Anakin, I understand to a _degree_ what is going on. You've met Satine. You know I once… harbored feelings for her."

Even now, Anakin can feel an ache through their bond, not as strong as it once was but stronger than Obi-Wan would ever admit to aloud, and it makes Anakin flinch back a little. 

"It's not that we're not allowed to have these feelings — it's natural."

"Senator Amidala and I are _simply. Friends_." The lie is a familiar but still painful one.

Obi-Wan turns a little to look at him over his shoulder —

"Like you and Ahsoka were simply Master and Padawan?"

_Sharp_ inhale —

Fuck, but it gets stuck halfway down his windpipe because he's chocking on a sob —

A growl —

He doesn't know _what_ sound wants to make it out of his mouth, but he pushes it down either way, swallows hard to make it all go away —

And the model ship falls down onto the floor, half of the tripod still clutched in his hand.

Obi-Wan's voice is softer when he starts, "Anakin —"

" _Don't_. Just don't."

"Anakin, you _must_ —"

"I don't _have_ to do anything except win this Force-damned karking war. And I don't — I don't —"

Breathe. Breathe, Ani, _breathe_ , and it's Padmé's voice in his head —

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about because we — she — we never — she's _gone_ , Obi-Wan. What does it _matter_?"

Obi-Wan walks to the other side of the bed, plops down on the floor just in front of Anakin, and pats the space beside him. "Sit with me."

Anakin does, and Obi-Wan offers him the model ship in a comfortably familiar move. 

"I could still fix the tripod."

" _Are_ you going to fix the tripod?"

Anakin sighs. "No."

He calls a tool off his work table with the Force, but Obi-Wan says nothing about it, just as he's said nothing countless times before when they have done just this. Anakin… Sometimes, when he's too worked up and the conversation is too important, he just. Just _listens_ better if he's doing something with his hands, and somewhere along the way of being his Master, Obi-Wan learned it's easier to give in than to make Anakin fight his own impulses.

Anakin doesn't check, but he knows Obi-Wan's eyes are closed. They sit like that for a while, Obi-Wan in his light meditative state and Anakin taking apart the model, and it isn't until he's gotten all of the right wing and most of the left off that Anakin finally breaks.

"I never told her."

"I'm more surprised _she_ didn't tell _you_."

He shakes his head. "It's not like that. For her. I mean, I guess… I guess there was. Something. But she left, so clearly it wasn't all that much."

Anakin feels Obi-Wan prodding gently at their bond, looking for something or other, so he turns his head to the left and finds Obi-Wan studying him closely, that look in his eyes that means he's thinking too hard about something.

"Sometimes… Hm. Sometimes, Anakin, it isn't a question of quantities."

Anakin frowns at Obi-Wan —

And then looks away with a swallow.

"How. How did you do it? Leave Satine?"

Another stab of pain, grief and regret and sadness, and it makes Anakin wince again, but he nudges Obi-Wan's Presence this time, sends him a bit of warmth and gets some in return.

"It was… a mutual decision for us each to part our own ways."

And that's not helpful _at all_ , because he's left again with the hard fact that Ahsoka just didn't want him as much as he still wants her.

" _Anakin_ ," Obi-Wan says, sounding the way he does when Anakin has yet again disparaged the Code or the Council. "Would you give up Padmé for Ahsoka?"

Anakin rears back like Obi-Wan just slapped him —

But Obi-Wan is just staring at him calmly, one eyebrow raised and expectant, and that —

Obi-Wan has _never_ so explicitly acknowledged what both of them have known _he_ 's known for years now. Anakin can only blink in shock and stutter when he answers, "N-no — I mean. I mean no. Never."

Obi-Wan hums and inclines his head. "Perhaps, then, you might consider that there is something Ahsoka cannot give up for you."

That's only _marginally_ helpful, in the sense that, no matter what, Anakin wants and will always want Ahsoka's happiness, and if that happiness lies somewhere far away from him…

Then he's just going to have to keep dealing with the void that lives in one corner of his soul.

"Why now? After all this time. All — all the lies you've let me tell you."

And there's hurt for that, too, coarse, and it rubs at the parts of him that hate himself just a little for it, for the fact that Obi-Wan has never been anything _but_ Obi-Wan, which is saying a whole fucking lot, and Anakin has been an ass in more ways than he can count.

But Obi-Wan — _because_ he's precisely who he is — nudges his Presence the way Anakin did his before and says, in his gentlest tone, "I know you, Anakin, and I want the same things for you that you want for everyone you hold dear. What did you tell Ahsoka when she left?"

To stay —

To _please_ just _stay_ —

But that's not the answer Obi-Wan wants.

It takes Anakin a few moments, but when he gets it, when he _finds_ the answer Obi-Wan does want —

Warmth, flooding his insides and their bond, too fast for him to try to stop it even if he wanted to —

"I told her I understood."

Obi-Wan smiles softly at him. "My path has since changed, but I, too, understand, Anakin. And I understand _your_ path may never change."

There are too many words crowding his mouth, making it hard to swallow, but all Anakin says is, "I'll miss you, Master."

Obi-Wan gets up with a huff and dusts off his robes. "Well, I do quite enjoy Naboo's lakes."

"Duly noted, Master," and Anakin can't control the mad grin that takes over his face.  


* * *

  
His left hand shakes the entire time he's working, but Anakin ignores it and wills himself to hold it together.

He doesn't have any spare crystals, doesn't have the time to find new ones, and he can't bear the thought of leaving them empty for even one rotation. Besides, there's something _wrong_ about the thought of changing the original crystals when she _earned_ them. So he either does it right or potentially fucks everything up.

It takes him a whole night shift of trial and error, this configuration versus this other one, change the angle of the glass by one degree, three degrees, no, one-point-seven —

But he does it in the end, and when he's done, he curls himself around them and falls asleep and doesn't dream for the first time in longer than he cares to remember.  


* * *

  
Back on Anaxes, the veterans of the 501st crowd around Echo while the shinies stand aside and pay attention. Fives and Rex haven't let go of him since they set foot on the base, but Anakin doesn't have the heart to tell them that the High Council wants to hear from Echo himself what exactly the Seps did to him.

He hangs back with the Bad Batch, exchanging stories with Hunter and Crosshair and stealing glances at Rex, who hasn't looked this happy in months. Then Anakin catches his eye, and Rex extricates himself from Echo's side.

When he's in front of Anakin, he's more solemn than obviously happy, but it's still eons better than the way he looked a week ago.

"General Skywalker. Sergeant Hunter."

Hunter raises an eyebrow, and Anakin smiles amusedly at Rex. "Captain."

"I wanted to thank you both. For agreeing to the mission and — and trusting me. I know…"

"Rex —"

"No, sir. This is war. We're not — out priority is not the life of the individual but the lives of the collective. I know that. And I know Jedi think differently, but still… All due respect, sir, were you any other General, this mission would not have been sanctioned."

"It _wasn't_ sanctioned."

"Exactly, sir."

Anakin snorts and crosses his arms over his chest, but he nods at Rex with an easy smile, and Rex nods back.

"And Sergeant, Crosshair — we wouldn't have succeeded hadn't it been for your team. If there's ever a way I can return the favor —"

"Tech will find you, don't you worry." 

"I can find anyone as long as they've accessed some form of technology," Tech says as he walks towards them, just as Anakin sees Echo coming up from behind Rex. 

Crosshair grumbles something under his breath, but Anakin can't make out what it is when Echo makes it to their little group and says, "Then maybe you can tell me where the Commander is, 'cause I still haven't seen her."

His heart stutters and climbs up his throat, and his eyes snap to Rex's —

Who's looking as caught off guard as Anakin feels —

How could they have _forgotten_ —

Her absence is everywhere they go, everywhere he looks —

But Echo doesn't know, can't possibly have known, because Echo has been gone for over a year, so of course Echo is looking between Rex and he with an increasingly horrified expression, like —

"She's alive!"

And the words spill out so fast from his mouth that he almost wants to stumble.

Rex stares at him hard, jaw clenched against whatever he's keeping himself from saying —

But Anakin knows what it is. "She is, Rex. I would've felt it if — if she weren't."

"I thought —"

"Yeah, but. I can feel that much. Trust me."

Rex slumps just a little, like he's just taken his plastoid armor off, and Echo asks, "Will one of you explain what's going on?" He glances sideways at Anakin. "Um. Please, sir?"

Anakin and Rex stare at each other in silence, not quite glaring but both willing the other to explain, because neither wants to say the words. Saying it aloud only makes the pain worse, and neither one of them needs any more hurt than what they already have.

It's Tech who speaks first though, reading off his HUD as he says, "Commander Ahsoka Tano was accused of sedition against the Republic for orchestrating a bombing on the Jedi Temple —"

Anakin thinks he growls, but the sound gets lost under Echo's loud " _What?_ "

"And murdering one Letta Turmond and six clones of the Coruscant Guard —"

Rex takes a step towards Tech, and Anakin _knows_ that stance —

"Tech, mate," Hunter starts, "I think it's time you —"

"Oh, she was exonerated. Wrongly accused. Never mind." 

Echo groans something in Mando'a that makes Rex huff a laugh, and they all loosen up a bit. 

But it still hurts to breathe, and it doesn't help when Echo asks, "So, where is she then?"

Pulling at his hair doesn't help either, but Anakin does it anyway as he mutters, "She left."

_Me, us, she left us all_ —

" _Left?_ W-why? Where'd she go?" 

Anakin has to look away from Echo's shocked expression, lets Rex say, "We don't know, vod."

His gut twists and his lungs seize —

She's there, now, telling him she's sorry, saying _without you, without you, without you_ —

Walking away —

And when Tech says, "I do," Anakin can only latch onto the anger inside him and let it drown everything else.

"She's _gone_. There are more planets and moons in this Force-damned galaxy than you can count on that HUD of yours —"

"Actually —"

"So just fucking leave it and go back to hacking doors."

"But she's just —"

Anakin storms off, pushing past Rex and Hunter towards his quarters in the main base building. He stays there for a long while, long enough that he calls Padmé once and she doesn't answer, so he waits and calls again later and she does. 

He tells her about Echo and the sick trick Crosshair pulled aboard Trench's ship, tells her about _killing_ Trench and feeling nothing but _good_ about it, sure of what he did, and Padmé doesn't like it, he knows that much, but she doesn't tell him what a bad Jedi he is, just listens and tries to offer support.

By the time he makes it outside again, Echo and the Bad Batch have left already, but Rex doesn't seem as sad as Anakin would have expected.  


* * *

  
The men are all clustered together when he gets to the barracks a few rotations after. They're talking excitedly over one another, but Anakin can't make out a thing they're saying, nor can he see _what_ they're centered around.

"What's going on here?" 

A few of them turn to look at him.

"Ey! There's the General!" 

"Finally!"

"Here he is!"

"Come on, come on!"

Then they're all moving towards him in a giant swarm of white and blue plastoid. He tries spotting Rex, who hopefully has some coherent explanation for this — this — _whatever_ this is, but it's hopeless when there are so many of them.

"Sir! Sir!" Jesse reaches him first, claps a hand on each of his shoulders and shakes him. "We have a surprise for you, sir!"

"Knock it off, Jesse. Wasn't your idea."

"It's still a surprise though!"

"Not if you say it now, asshole! Shut up!"

"All of you! Make way! Step aside!"

Maybe Rex kriffing finally dyed his hair 501st blue like his brothers have been begging him to do for who the fuck knows how long now. Or maybe Echo realized the 99 isn't for him and he's back already. Anakin watches them part like they're being moved by the Force, filling loosely to either side of him until the center of their attention is visible —

And _there's_ Rex, but his hair is still pale yellow —

And there's Fives, too, and they each have an arm thrown around —

Around —

Around _not_ Echo, definitely not Echo —

But it can't be —

This is another fucking nightmare, it _has_ to be —

But she shakes her head at him like she can hear his thoughts, like —

Like they're connected, but they're _not_ , he can't feel anything except how much this _hurts_ because he wants it to be true so fucking _badly_ —

"Say something, General!"

"No, just kiss her already!"

"Shut the fuck up, you idiot. They're Jedi!"

"I'm going to force Rex to give you all clean-up duty for a standard month if you don't stop ruining the moment."

Ahsoka laughs at Fives, light and easy like everything is right with the galaxy —

Maybe this is a dream. Heartache or not, he _wants_ to see her happy, wants to see her _free_ —

Rex leans in to whisper something into her right montral and she laughs again. She's still looking at him though, hasn't _stopped_ looking —

Neither has he. And there's… something in his chest, his veins, his head, everywhere inside him, spreading and spreading, warm and tingly like the first drink of alcohol. It fills him up to the brim, until he's chock-full of this thing that he hasn't felt in too long —

Is he shaking? He thinks he might be. Maybe someone is trying to wake him up.

Fuck, what if they're under attack and Anakin is stuck in this fantasy?

Ahsoka tilts her head a little to press a kiss to Rex's cheek, then does the same to Fives —

"Hey, how come _we_ didn't get one of those?" 

They squeeze her between them for the count of a long breath and the feeling inside him swells and threatens to spill —

And then she's walking towards him, Ahsoka is coming closer and Anakin just wants to wake up right the fuck now before it's too late —

Please, just let him wake _up_ —

"You're not asleep, Anakin."

And then it _is_ too late, because her hand is cradling his face, fingers warm and leather half-glove soft —

"I'm here. I promise."

Her voice is smoother than it used to be and her eyes are blue, so blue, barely any grey in them right now, and they're wide and bright and _full_ , like they're pleading with him —

"You're… here."

Like _he_ pleaded with her once —

She left then, left him behind and didn't look back —

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. But I'm here now. Feel me, Anakin. I'm _here_."

Her skin is smooth and hot under his left hand. He lets his right skim down her lek even though he can't sense a thing, but Ahsoka shakes her head gently, says, " _Feel_ me," and he knows what she means.

He closes his eyes and bows forward to rest their foreheads together, breathes and opens himself, _forces_ himself to _feel_ —

Everything, _all_ of it —

The hurt and the anger and the fuck awful yearning —

The thing inside him swells again, and this time it _does_ spill, out of their bond to smother him in happiness and heat, warming him all over —

And when he opens his eyes again, Ahsoka is staring at him, but now it's more like she's searching for something, same full blue gaze roving over his face. 

The last time she looked at him like that, he gave her everything, and she _left_.

"Shhh. I'm back now." The hand on his cheek moves to his hair, the other to his chest, and she pets him like he's a wounded animal she's trying to soothe. 

That jars him, pulls at his consciousness like he should pay more attention to it —

But Anakin pushes it aside and asks in a flat tone, "For how long?"

Ahsoka shakes her head again, a back-and-forth rock of her forehead against his. "I'm _back_. For good."

He knows now that he's not sleeping, but he's dreamt so many times of hearing those words, hearing them in his quarters at the Temple, in Padmé's apartment in the Senate District, while boarding ship before a mission.

And he's dreamt of her leaving again. 

Again and again. Over and over.

He lets go of her and pulls back. "You said you couldn't be here. That you had to — had to sort out whatever the fuck it was that you _needed_ to sort out without — without _me_."

"I said that months ago, Anakin. And it _was_ true then, but now I'm done with that."

"And?" 

"And I'm here, aren't I?"

She really fucking is, stupidly gorgeous as ever, and Anakin… doesn't really know what to feel. However many times he's wished for this, he never thought it _would_ happen, had barely dared to hope, and only then late at night when he had Padmé to hold him. 

Now Ahsoka is standing before him, a little taller and _obviously_ older than before, physically and — and _emotionally_ , clad in a blue-grey jumpsuit that fits her all too well, and he barely recognizes her even as everything in him — everything in the _Force_ — tells him it's the same person he's been missing for all this time.

The _part_ of him he's been missing, as if he were a droid that couldn't function without its rheostat.

"What happened to your akul teeth?"

Her voice is sorrowful when she says, "They didn't feel right without my braid." Anakin swallows hard and looks away, and Ahsoka hums knowingly. "Is it in your room at the Temple or with Padmé?"

There's curiosity and delight in the bond, and they make his mechno-hand _want_ to shake as he reaches into the pocket of his belt and pulls out the braid.

There's a gasp, much louder than it should be, murmurs all around them —

Remembering they're still being watched makes him wince, but he doesn't draw back when Ahsoka steps closer again and reaches out to take it —

But then he's gripped by the memory of the last time they were in this exact same position, and it's enough to make him angry again, make him curl his fingers over the beads protectively —

They're _his_ now, she _left_ them —

Proof that he once had a Padawan, someone to watch his back —

"Anakin."

" _No_ ," and he can't help but make it a snarl. "You didn't want them. You could've had them back, and you _didn't want them_."

"I _wanted them_. I just _couldn't_ _have them_!"

"That's a shit excuse! They let you back in! They tried to _Knight_ you."

"You're missing the point! Do you seriously not get it, even after all this time?"

"Oh, I get it. You had to leave, go off on your own adventure —"

"That's not —"

"I don't _care_ what words you use, Ahsoka! It's all the same! You. Left."

_Me_ , he doesn't say, but somehow it still echoes weirdly in what little space there is between their bodies.

"Argh!" Ahsoka throws up her hands. "Is this really how you want to do this?"

"Do what how?"

"This. You and I. Fighting."

His insides seize up a little, twist in a weird combination of want and more anger, but he ignores it, huffs and asks, "What other way is there?"

"I'm not a Jedi anymore."

And there goes that seize-twist again —

"I am."

"You're _married_. I hardly think —"

But Anakin crashes his mouth against hers, _into_ hers, and whatever Ahsoka was going to finish that sentence with turns into a high whine when their teeth click from the force of the kiss —

Their lips slide apart and push together again, press open —

Their tongues meet and rub against each other and it tastes like a finally, like kissing Padmé for the first time after years of holding out with Force-given patience —

Ahsoka laughs into his mouth and he nips her thick bottom lip like he's wanted to do for so fucking long —

She bites his top lip in return, _just_ a little harder but a _lot_ sharper, fangs digging into thin skin, and Anakin doesn't even _try_ to hold back the moan —

"All right, men — let's _go_! Everyone _move_ the fuck out of here. Into the barracks, come on. Glance back _once_ and you'll be refueling every fighter in the fleet until the war is over."

They laugh together this time, and when Anakin sneaks a peek over Ahsoka's montrals, he sees Rex and Fives herding everyone else away like nerf. 

But just before they move out of sight, Rex turns his head to look at them from over his shoulder, and Anakin can't see what expression is on his face, but he prods at the Force and gets a brief pang of strong emotion before Rex looks away and it fades into something else.

Ahsoka is pressing kisses down his jawline when he starts, "Are you and Rex —"

"Yes." A lick up into his sideburn, another sharp bite to his earlobe. "But I haven't notified him yet."

Anakin snorts. "You might not want to take too long."

"Mm, he'll be fine. Lot more patient than you." 

" _You_ aren't patient though." Ahsoka pulls back to smirk at him, and he rubs a thumb over her lips. "Fives?"

"Maybe, probably not. We'll see."

"Huh. Anyone else?"

"Next time we're on Coruscant, I'll introduce you to Trace and Rafa."

Anakin frowns. "Are they Padawans?"

"No. Civillian friends." Ahsoka smirks again. "They're sisters."

He rolls his eyes and kisses her, makes it deep, makes it hard but slow, wet so their lips slick-slide easily —

She no longer smells of spaceship, but the leather-minerals is still there, mixed with something new he doesn't recognize —

He tilts her head back and to the side a little more and licks into her mouth, laps at the roof of it and rubs his togue against the pointed tips of her upper fangs —

"What couldn't you give up?"

"What?"

"Why did you leave?"

Ahsoka runs the claw of her thumb down the line of his scar, just as gently as Padmé does with the knuckle of her index finger. "I needed space for myself. To… understand who I am without the Order." Her mouth curves in a soft, one-sided smile. "And I only left because I knew I would come back."

He has to kiss her again, has to suck her bottom lip into his mouth, her top, both even plusher than they look —

Has to lick the underside of her tongue and her fans again —

"I want to teach you how to fly."

Ahsoka raises an eye mark. "You mean how to do your suicide tricks."

"Hey, don't let Obi-Wan get to you." He pokes her through the Force. "But yes. On your planet."

"Shili? Why there?"

"We're not going to the desert."

That's not explanation enough, he _knows_ , but Ahsoka just slides her hands over his shoulders to wrap her arms around his neck and says, "Okay."

So he kisses her again, deep and hard and slow again, lets her bite him because apparently she likes it even more than he does, which just means he likes it a whole fucking lot —

"And after, I want to watch you hunt."

"Mmm, _yes_. And then what?"

"And then we'll fuck on the grass, of course," and he lets his smirk be as wide and obnoxious as it wants.

Ahsoka's face quirks. "Eugh. Maybe not that."

"It's really not as bad as it sounds," he says with a shrug.

She cocks her head and narrows her eyes, and Anakin laughs at her. "And you speak from experience, I assume."

"You assume correctly."

"Mm-hm. How many of Padmé's dresses have you ruined that way?"

She looks so much like she wants to brace her hands on her hips that he _has_ to laugh again, has to lean in and lick her mouth —

The mark on her cheek —

And then the one on the other side. For the sake of symmetry.

"Just the one. Flowered, light-colored. Huge stains all over it by the end."

Anakin sends the memory through their bond, of the dress blowing in the breeze, Padmé's curls hanging over her shoulders, sprawled all over the green grass of Naboo as Anakin rocked in and out of her, slow and deep like the kisses he's been giving Ahsoka —

Who mewls and shudders and tugs on his hair. 

"We're still out here where the boys can all see."

"Yeah, _why_ are we still out here where the _men_ — plus Obi-Wan and Windu, wherever they are — can all see?"

"Because you're a shameless exhibitionist." He splutters, but Ahsoka doesn't let him defend himself. "Oh, come the fuck on. I knew about you and Padmé before I even became your Padawan."

He winces, but it… doesn't really surprise him. "Somehow, even though we were newlyweds back then, we were still better at hiding it than we are now."

"A little, yeah. Still wasn't hard to figure out."

He presses a kiss to the edge of Ahsoka's new headdress, licks it and gets the taste of leather, probably whatever kind her gloves are made of, and moves his mouth closer to the base of her montral.

"Did you watch us, Ahsoka? Watch _me_?"

And Ahsoka huffs, rolls her eyes, and says, "I was _fourteen_ ," but her lekku flush darker, and there's a stab of desire through the bond.

He grabs onto it, strokes it and yanks on it to get her closer —

"Padmé was fourteen when I met her."

"And you were _nine_."

"DIdn't stop me though, did it?"

Ahsoka snorts and it turns into a laugh that she buries in his chest. He tightens his hold on her waist, pulls her impossibly close again, her body and her Presence, wraps his own around it and _squeezes_ —

"Missed you, Skyguy."

And gets squeezed back just as hard.

"I missed you too, Snips."

He wants to say all the things he didn't say last time, all the things he's been keeping inside for various lengths of time, months and years and what feels like his whole entire life —

And he _can_ , he can say them now. He's _said_ a few of them already and she's still here, so maybe —

"I'm so proud of you."

A kiss to the underside of his jaw, another to the hollow of his throat, just above his robes —

"I know, Master."

Anakin runs his hands up her sides, feeling the light curves of her body, just a little less pronounced than Padmé's —

In at her waist, out high at her ribcage —

He settles back on her slim hips, which fit perfectly in his hands, between his own hips —

Her lekku are longer, the front ones reaching past her breasts and the rear one fatter at the tip, and he wants to count the stripes on them, wants to see them flushed and moving, writhing —

"You're so beautiful."

Ahsoka looks up at him through her lashes, lips curled in a easy smile, and runs her fingers through his fringe. "So are you."

And it's not everything — there is so _much more_ — but it's enough for now. She's here, and he can breathe, and they can have this. And maybe he won't have to worry so much for a while, maybe he'll finally be able to get a full night of something _like_ decent sleep —

"Anakin."

But only after they've tired themselves out, only after he's touched, licked, and kissed every last bit of her —

"Yes?"

Held her for as long as she'll let him —

"I love you, too. And I promise I'm not leaving."

_Seize-twist_ —

It's reflex to _clutch_ her _to_ him when every nerve in his body fires simultaneously and electrocutes him, fills him with _sharp_ heat and the sense of being whole, being complete —

Not a dream, not a dream, not a dream —

There isn't a single grain of sand inside him, and maybe he doesn't have to do everything at once.


End file.
